Black Patch Smokers Convention/A Children’s Story


The barren soil was terribly cracked from lack of rain in a small town in Arizona. The red clay beneath the feet of passers by screamed for just a drop of water.
Temperatures soared day after day and a shady spot was hard to find empty. Everything that had breath scrambled to sit in the shade so as not to burn their heads.
There was a slight breeze fluttering through the trees but it too was not cooling.

“Geeze! I have seen hot days all of my life but today is unusually hot. If hell is suppose to be the hottest place ever made, I’d sure hate to spend the rest of my days there.” Sebastian Sam exclaimed as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

“If we don’t get started quickly with this list of names we may not have a convention. I can just hear Lillian Smart laughing her head off now. She thinks anyone who smokes is just a lower class people not to mention the world of creatures.” Diesel Diamond quickly added.

“Ok! Let’s all gather around here with pencils and paper. As I call out the names I have on my list add them to yours. Then when we have finished we can take turns adding those that were not on my list. I expect the list to be very long this year. Tobacco prices have doubled and rolling paper is not cheap either. So let’s get to work. No smoking until after we have finished. Perhaps going without a cigar or smoke will hasten our work.” Sebastian Sam sighed.

“I will read out my list and you write them down as I go along.” He continued.

“I don’t have them in alphabetical order we can do that later if need be.

1. Ducky Lites
2. Tiger Stogies
3. Raven Ragweed Slims
4. Camel Hump Stokies
5. Panther Paw Malls
6. The Salem Broad Butts
7. Panama Possum
8. Monkey Menthols
9. Hollywood Strikes
10. Gramps White Owl and the Hooters
11. The Lucky Porcupine Players
12. Viceroy Vixen and Company
13. Mild’s Henry Horny Toad
14. Skunk Long Souls
15. Sexy Green Sticks
16. Platinum Possums
17. The Black Patch Wheelers
18. Ricky Ram and Family
19. Jason Eureka and the Pipes
20. Golly Goober Graycliff
21. Prince Edward the Goat
22. Master Ramos Dutch
23. The Griffin Gheko’s
24. Don Edward and the Doodle Bugs
25. Floretta and the Fighting Cocks
26. Juno Caesar and the Weasels
27. Playboy Paulie Panther
28. Felix the Flamingo
29. Danny the Devil’s Weed
30. Diamond Diesel and Family
31. Diesel Dan and the Imperials
32. Diesel Dan and the Imperials
33. Old Henry and the Horny Toads
34. Platypus and the Rings
35. Savannah Meranna
36. Raccoon Willie and the Imperials
37. The Newport Soul Sisters
38. The Winston Shakers
39. Clara Cool and Family
40. Virginia and Calvin Salem
41. Hamster Hope
42. Rooster White Feathers
43. Seven Slithering Snakes

This is all I have listed. If anyone has someone I’ve not listed please speak up so we can all add them.” Sebastian Sam called loudly.

“I have only one. I hope they will come this year. It is the Seven Slithering Snakes!” Diesel Diamond added.

“Oh my goodness! Those snakes will take over the entire floor. I do hate to see them all ball up into one giant mess of wiggles.” Clara Cool snapped as they all added the name to their lengthy list.

“If everyone comes this year the Black Patch Smoke House will be filling the air for weeks. Remember if you have young ones that are allergic to the smoke, medicate them well before bringing them.” Sebastian said pointing his long skinny finger.

“We have got to send a note to all the tobacco companies begging them to advertise more. We must target all young critters. If we have bad lungs, then so should they.” Savannah snorted.

“Yeah! They have taken away our rights to smoke in public places already. If we sit around silently they will shut down the tobacco plants. Lord I don’t know what we would all do then. It’s been in our heritage for hundreds of years. My family lived on tobacco farms for as long as I can remember. Anyway we all have to die of something!” Clara voiced sharply.

“Remember everyone must pay at the door or they will not be allowed to enter! Now I mean everyone must pay. There will be no slipping anyone inside secretly. We must send our dues to the Great Mystic Shiners in Washington. Hopefully this year we will win an award for most versatile.” Sebastian Sam reminded his audience.

“Long Live the Wrinkled Gray Smokers!” Margaret shouted the chain smoker.

So it came to be that all animals and insects near the hot border of Arizona did in fact have their smokers convention. However Hamster Hope and Rooster White Feathers could not attend for they were both on oxygen in the critical care unit of the local hospital. Each one was suffering with terminal lung infections due to their many years of chain smoking and inhaling tobacco’s nicotine. What a shame no one told them about the deadly consequences of smoking.

Question: Why are smokers not allowed to smoke in many public places?

Written by Sybil Shearin
All Rights Reserved
Copyrighted July 2013

The Smoking Death of Mr. Frog!

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